Charles munger argues, in his book poor Charlie’s Almanack, that jealousy/envy is a major contributing factor in the lives of most people. I can see where he is coming from but I would argue that even more than that is fear/regret. I talk to so many people and the choices they make in life and the way they approach life has so much to with fear/regret. I am currently contemplating what makes us so afraid. The fear of being alone, the fear of missing out, the fear of standing out.
I was talking to a friend today and they were talking about a vice they have and I was asking some details about it and their response came down to I don’t care anymore what people think. I have found that by the time we reach the age of 60 we don”t carry around the fear that cripples so many in their earlier years. So the question I have been wrestling with is how do we eliminate this fear in our teenagers, and those in their twenties, or thirties. I am tired of watching people walk around being held hostage by fear. I was talking to another friend last week and I was asking why are you still dating this obvious d-bag and her response was I don’t want to end up alone. So many people settle with a spouse that is less than what they wish for, dream of, or desire because of fear.
What are you afraid of. Obviously it takes some self awareness and willing to be authentic to answer this question truthfully. Most people would answer with the word nothing to appear to be tough and like they have it all together. However, let’s just be honest with each other the fear of not being good enough compels so many to prove their worth to somebody. The fear of missing out causes us to do things we typically would have never dreamt of doing but we don’t want to live with that thought of what am I missing out of if I don’t do this. Fear has gripped so many people.
I have learned over the years that the only answer to fear is an understanding of who we are and an acceptance that this is enough. I have talked to so many that do not know who they are and have not arrived at the point that they understand that is enough. We are bombarded with messages that tell us our worth is based on external measuring sticks that unfortunately are a moving target. But can I tell you there is no need to be afraid because you are one of kind, the only you and in that is where your value comes from. We seek too many times to over come this fear by comparing to another but yet their is only one you and your value comes from embracing this uniqueness and living out that individuality that makes you who you are. Stop trying to be someone else and embrace the uniqueness that is you.